Hi Everyone
This post has been in draft form since May 2011. I have gone back to it several times to try and finish it, but never could get the words out just right. It started based on a statement Oprah Winfrey made (which appears below) on one of her last shows of her final season. Anyone who really knows me knows I am an Oprah fan. :) It touched me because it is filled with truth regarding true transformation. I am seeking a transformation of sorts..... For real this year... so its time to get this out in the open..... here goes nothing...
This post came to fruition because I have struggled for some time now trying to determine who it is that I really am. I have been determined to discover who I am as a daughter, friend, family member, co worker, worshiper, teammate, future mother and wife and mostly who I am to God. In my daily interactions, I have met all kinds of people, and been in various life situations. For those of you who really know me, you know that I can typically "blend" in. I can relate to different types of people, give people the benefit of the doubt, rarely have confrontations or arguments and have generally been able to develop meaningful friendships and relationships. I feel however, that for a long time, I have only been living an ordinary life. I have only scratched the surface on who I am really meant to be to all of you and most importantly feel as if I have a long way to go in figuring out my purpose.
What do I mean by this? I have just done what I am supposed to do. I have gotten to a certain point in life, by doing the "right" thing as it relates to my education, career, extracurricular and family life. In each of those areas though, something happens that stops me from going in deeper. Many of you probably know that I have pretty decent ideas, start things and sometimes, don't complete them. I am always seeking to learn more, grow, make better decisions and truly fulfill expectations, but soon after making a commitment to something, that THING happens. The SCARY part. Doubt enters in the equation. I sometimes question my ability to bring my ideas to life. I question my intention. Am I really doing this thing because it is something I enjoy? Some times, I am able to move past this but many times, here is where it stops. I guess it is a bowing out or giving up of sorts. I usually can make up a justifiable reason in my head as to why it is OK to do this.
Why has this happened? Well, I am not totally sure. Part of me believes that I am truly content with a comfortable life. I have my health, my home, my car, my job, loving friends and family, etc. This should be enough right? Why rock the boat really? Why dig deeper? Why ruffle feathers? Why take myself out of my comfort zone? (my uncomfortable comfort zone). I say above that "part of me believes that", but really all of me believes that. Ultimately, I am not sure I am a real risk taker. I am afraid of messing up and losing everything.
Have I done anything to change? I have explored many different aspects of changing my life. Career, Location, Health, Relationships. I am a stuck right now. Same career (even though I desire to change), same location (I really do love Florida though), same health (I could do much better), same relationship status (the "one" hasn't found me yet). I have sought help from family, friends and even acquaintances through casual conversations and more serious ones. I have been careful about what I am sharing and who I am sharing it with. But to those I have opened up to, what I have discovered is that everyone gives advice based upon their own experience, and everyones experience is different. So typically I get a good conversation with a good person, but never really get the "answer" I need. I have sought out a closer relationship with God. This has involved prayer calls, church, bible study, daily devotionals, music and just all around talking to God whenever I possibly can. Still though, I feel disconnected. I haven't been able to connect the way I imagine I am supposed to. I gave up worrying and trying to control every situation a long time ago. I lean on my faith. I know that God hasn't forgotten me. I still though am seeking that everlasting connection. This leads me to the statement Oprah made that stuck with me. It reads as follows:
"If you get nothing else, understand this. It all boils down to one thing. It is your relationship to the source. That to which we call God or don't call God or don't even know is God, is all that matters. When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you cannot change but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings you have already received and those that are yet to come to you and stand in that space of gratitude and honor and claim that for yourself. Look at where you are and how far you have come and what you have gotten and what you have accomplished and who you are. When you can claim that and see that, the literal vibration of your life will change. The vibration of your life will change."
I am ready for the literal vibration of my life to change. I desire to be extraordinary and live a life I am proud of. I want to look back knowing I made a difference and made strong good decisions that changed my life for the better. I want change and progression. I want to be a risk taker. I intend to get outside of my comfort zone. My life will be different. Change will come. I know I must get connected to MY SOURCE in order to do this.
Love you all. Keep me in your prayers.
This post has been in draft form since May 2011. I have gone back to it several times to try and finish it, but never could get the words out just right. It started based on a statement Oprah Winfrey made (which appears below) on one of her last shows of her final season. Anyone who really knows me knows I am an Oprah fan. :) It touched me because it is filled with truth regarding true transformation. I am seeking a transformation of sorts..... For real this year... so its time to get this out in the open..... here goes nothing...
This post came to fruition because I have struggled for some time now trying to determine who it is that I really am. I have been determined to discover who I am as a daughter, friend, family member, co worker, worshiper, teammate, future mother and wife and mostly who I am to God. In my daily interactions, I have met all kinds of people, and been in various life situations. For those of you who really know me, you know that I can typically "blend" in. I can relate to different types of people, give people the benefit of the doubt, rarely have confrontations or arguments and have generally been able to develop meaningful friendships and relationships. I feel however, that for a long time, I have only been living an ordinary life. I have only scratched the surface on who I am really meant to be to all of you and most importantly feel as if I have a long way to go in figuring out my purpose.
What do I mean by this? I have just done what I am supposed to do. I have gotten to a certain point in life, by doing the "right" thing as it relates to my education, career, extracurricular and family life. In each of those areas though, something happens that stops me from going in deeper. Many of you probably know that I have pretty decent ideas, start things and sometimes, don't complete them. I am always seeking to learn more, grow, make better decisions and truly fulfill expectations, but soon after making a commitment to something, that THING happens. The SCARY part. Doubt enters in the equation. I sometimes question my ability to bring my ideas to life. I question my intention. Am I really doing this thing because it is something I enjoy? Some times, I am able to move past this but many times, here is where it stops. I guess it is a bowing out or giving up of sorts. I usually can make up a justifiable reason in my head as to why it is OK to do this.
Why has this happened? Well, I am not totally sure. Part of me believes that I am truly content with a comfortable life. I have my health, my home, my car, my job, loving friends and family, etc. This should be enough right? Why rock the boat really? Why dig deeper? Why ruffle feathers? Why take myself out of my comfort zone? (my uncomfortable comfort zone). I say above that "part of me believes that", but really all of me believes that. Ultimately, I am not sure I am a real risk taker. I am afraid of messing up and losing everything.
Have I done anything to change? I have explored many different aspects of changing my life. Career, Location, Health, Relationships. I am a stuck right now. Same career (even though I desire to change), same location (I really do love Florida though), same health (I could do much better), same relationship status (the "one" hasn't found me yet). I have sought help from family, friends and even acquaintances through casual conversations and more serious ones. I have been careful about what I am sharing and who I am sharing it with. But to those I have opened up to, what I have discovered is that everyone gives advice based upon their own experience, and everyones experience is different. So typically I get a good conversation with a good person, but never really get the "answer" I need. I have sought out a closer relationship with God. This has involved prayer calls, church, bible study, daily devotionals, music and just all around talking to God whenever I possibly can. Still though, I feel disconnected. I haven't been able to connect the way I imagine I am supposed to. I gave up worrying and trying to control every situation a long time ago. I lean on my faith. I know that God hasn't forgotten me. I still though am seeking that everlasting connection. This leads me to the statement Oprah made that stuck with me. It reads as follows:
"If you get nothing else, understand this. It all boils down to one thing. It is your relationship to the source. That to which we call God or don't call God or don't even know is God, is all that matters. When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you cannot change but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings you have already received and those that are yet to come to you and stand in that space of gratitude and honor and claim that for yourself. Look at where you are and how far you have come and what you have gotten and what you have accomplished and who you are. When you can claim that and see that, the literal vibration of your life will change. The vibration of your life will change."
I am ready for the literal vibration of my life to change. I desire to be extraordinary and live a life I am proud of. I want to look back knowing I made a difference and made strong good decisions that changed my life for the better. I want change and progression. I want to be a risk taker. I intend to get outside of my comfort zone. My life will be different. Change will come. I know I must get connected to MY SOURCE in order to do this.
Love you all. Keep me in your prayers.
Love this post. I believe this "discomfort with comfort" is what led Solomon to write Ecclesiastes. Although God expects us to take risks and to pursue the better things in life, life will ONLY BE TRULY appreciated and understood when we see it from God's perspective. A woman can only be truly appreciated when we see her from God's perspective. Same with a man. I believe one of the primary reasons God gave us His Word is so we can KNOW HIM and see life from His perspective. Only the creator truly understands the creation. The last sentence in this blog says it all. ONLY when we know Him do we know ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ken!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the feedback and support!
Thanks Ken!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the feedback and support!